Jane Austen or Emma?

Today, I judged a book by its cover.

There is a young, semi-cute (in an unconventional way, but I'd date him) basketball coach at the middle school where my mom works. I work the clock at some of the games. Today, I was early, and I read while I waited. I always keep a book in my purse.

The coach walked by the table where I was sitting and said, "Whatcha reading?" I stopped and turned the book so that he could see the cover. He looked, read "Jane Austen" off of it, kind of nodded, and went on his way. I said something like, "yep," and continued reading.

I jumped to two conclusions. One, that he didn't know who Jane Austen, anything about her, and had probably never heard of the book I was reading, which was Emma (in fact, because Jane Austen's name was in bigger print than the title Emma on my book, I assumed that he thought "Jane Austen" was the title of the book). And two, that he didn't really care what I was reading, was just making mindless conversation, and thought I was a geek for carrying a book around with me and reading it when I had a few minutes to kill.

Later, after I got home, my mom asked me who the coaches were. I described this one to her, not knowing his name, and she said, "Oh, he's a seventh grade English teacher." I felt like a fool and a hypocrite. I assumed, because this guy is a basketball coach (and maybe a little bit because of where he works), that he would not be interested in books. Come to find out, he was probably genuinely interested in what I was reading simply because he's interested in books and reading. I myself am into both sports and reading, but I assumed that no one else would be.

I must learn not to be such a judgmental idiot. If I had been more open-minded (and the kicker is that I tend to think of myself as a really open-minded person) and just...friendlier to the guy, I might have at least gotten a literary friend out of the conversation (I don't know if he's married...I suppose I could've gotten a date also if he's single). I don't have very many friends here that I can talk to on that level.

I need to work on being friendlier to new people in general. The problem is that I'm scared around them (that I'll make a fool out of myself somehow), so I just tell myself that I don't want to meet them and I don't open up. I need to get over that. I have nothing to lose when I meet people.

Damn.

2009, baby!

I thought about making a list of things I want to do in 2009, but I'm not going to. It's true that sometimes benchmarks like new years, new semesters, changes of scene, etc. can help people make changes. But really, what are our excuses during the rest of the year? If you want something to change, make it happen.

That said, I just know that 2009 is going to be a fantastic year for me.

I've decided to stop planning past my next move. My next move is go to Prague and teach. I don't know how long I'll be gone, and I'm not going to pretend to decide right now. I don't know if I'll go somewhere else before I come back to the states. I don't know where I'll go when I do come back to the states. And that's ok. I could say that I have a plan (and I'm not going to lie, I do have a few ideas), but what would be the point? It would all change. A year ago, I thought that right now I'd be getting ready to graduate with my Master's and looking for a job teaching writing somewhere in Texas. I may still want to do those things at some point, but I've got other things on my mind now. I'm just going to continue to do what feels right until it doesn't feel right anymore. That's the only way I know how to live. It's worked so far.

I do have a couple of goals, that I am stating now, and they may be related to the new year (I'll admit, it does sort of feel like getting rid of unwanted baggage...I have taken steps toward that already), but they don't have to be! Okay, here they are (and they are all related to things that make me happy, which is key):

• exercise almost everyday, but don't be a Nazi about it, because that leads to major burnout
• write SOMETHING everyday...it doesn't have to win a Pulitzer prize (and this blog counts)
• have more fun!! (that always applies...to anything)
• and the last one is specifically geared toward my last few weeks of subbing: don't sweat it. just get through it and don't stress

My major fears right now are that I'll run out of money in Prague before I get a paycheck, that the people in my class over there won't like me/I won't make any friends in Prague period, and that my flight will be delayed. Oh, and that my luggage will be lost.

I was going to make a list of things that annoy me. On it was going to be my parents, the town of Granbury, public schools/schoolteachers, and kids. I don't really feel like discussing that further right now. I have TV to watch. But I'm not stressing. Because it's 2009. Finally.