Horrors from the World of a Young Sub

I have to comment on my crazy day of substituting this week. You could argue that everyday as a sub is crazy in some way, but this one was bizarre--mostly because the crazies weren't the students. They were the other subs I had to work with that day. Because I was subbing for an aide, I was with other teachers all day long. Because I was subbing for an aide in the science department (this was at the high school) and all of the science teachers in the district were at a conference, I was with other subs all day. I should clarify that the majority of substitute teachers are retired people who do it to supplement their social security. Not to be ageist (sp?), but...well, you'll see.



Crazy Sub #1:



First of all, totally ineffective. Wait, no, first of all, he was late. If I was late, because I'm young and frequently mistaken for a STUDENT (not annoying at all!), I could never get away with that. But I digress. Totally ineffective. He would whistle at the students and tell them to be quiet, and they wouldn't even hear him. Now, here was a time when my usually annoying loud voice came in handy. I yelled over them, and that got their attention. Maybe that was why he decided that I needed to do his job for him for the rest of the day. But, um...PROBLEM! I was the aide. He was supposed to be in charge of the class, and I was their for support, particularly since I had to go to other classes in some periods. And if he wasn't capable of that, well, he shouldn't be subbing. I don't care how bad of shortage the district has. They should screen these people!



So, the class was supposed to take a test on balancing equations. It was all laid out what we were supposed to remind the students about before the test. Seems simple, right? Well, that totally threw this guy for a loop. He just decided that I should explain the test and what to do to them, and he would read his newspaper. That didn't bother me too much. I was there to help, and it gave me something to do. But then, the sub suspected someone of cheating. Instead of getting his lazy ass up to take care of it, he told me to go check and see. Someone needed a piece of paper, and he expected me to find him one. Like I knew where anything was in that classroom either. And it went on.



Some kid (who obviously was trying to get out of taking the test--he told me he didn't know how to do it and basically wasn't going to--I swear some of these kids are TRYING to get kicked out of school) asked if he could go to the office and call his mom. I don't know why. So does the sub who's supposed to be in charge decide? Of course not. He looks at me to decide for him. I didn't even hear what the kid had said, so I walked over to his desk and asked him what he wanted. He asked again if he could go call his mom (he hadn't started the test yet), and I just said, "You don't need to do that right now," and walked away. Seriously, how hard was that? Maybe I'm just a glutton for power, but hello, that's your job as a sub. I don't let them take advantage of me.



One more thing about this sub. I was in his room again at the end of the day, and a few minutes before the bell to go home, I picked up my stuff to leave. I was the aide, I wasn't doing anything, so I was going to return my sub folder to the office and go. I told the sub that I was going to go ahead and sneak out, and he just looked at me and said, "Oh, I was just going to ask you if I could do the same thing." Excuse me?? I just wanted to say, "You are the TEACHER for today. This is your class. I am not your slave. I am an aide who travels around. I'm not here so you don't have to do anything." And I got up to leave. He looked at me, surprised, and said, "You go, I'll stay." But I could tell he wanted me to offer to stay. Yeah, right. I don't let the students take advantage of me, and I wasn't going to let him, either. Now, just to clarify, had I been the teacher, or had it been my job to stay there, I would have. And, I explained to him what an aide does. So, if he couldn't grasp that concept, again, he shouldn't have been subbing.

Crazy Sub #2:

Do you ever have one of those moments where you're sitting somewhere and you're kind of happy to be alone? You don't know anyone around, and you don't feel like making small talk with a stranger. Well, that's how I felt at lunch on this day. I was sitting at the end of the long table in the teacher's lounge, away from the other teachers on purpose. I felt someone come up behind me, and I just knew she was going to sit next to me. She did, of course. She said, "how are you?" and I said good or fine, I don't remember. I may have asked her how she was, but I don't think I did. I didn't make any kind of effort to talk to her. I just sat there eating my lunch.

But of course, she forced me to talk to her. She asked me how long I'd been subbing. She'd been doing it about the same amount of time. She asked me what I was doing, as in with my life (I get this a LOT--I think it's because I'm so much younger than the other subs), so I begrudgingly told her about Prague and that I was taking a break from grad school. And what do you know, her brother is chair of the English department at the University of Houston. And of course, she could give me his email address! Wonderful. She told me that she just moved here to take care of her sick parents and that she was 52 (that will be important later). She asked if I was married, and I said no. At that point, I looked at her hands and noticed she wasn't wearing a wedding ring. We discovered that I would be assisting in her class the next period. Yippee. This lady was queen of TMI. Maybe I'm antisocial, but I'm just not comfortable opening up to people I've just met, unless we have some kind of immediate connection. This has happened very few times in my life, and it wasn't happening with her. I just wanted her to leave me alone. I guess I'm just someone it takes awhile to get to know.

Anyway, lunch ended, and I reluctantly went to this lady's class. It was a class I had subbed for the week before, and I was familiar with their assignment. Class was in the library, so the kids were working on the computers, and, aside from helping someone from time to time, there wasn't a lot for us to do but talk to each other. She continued to prattle on, and I continued to try to be polite while using non-welcoming body language.

Then, she gets out some sticky notes and tells me, "I'm writing down my email address and phone number." I thought she meant for the real teacher, and I immediately thought, Oh my God. She's really going to give me a play-by-play of EVERYTHING she does today. However, she continued, "so you can call or email me, and I'll take you out to lunch. I know the owners of Miyako (the Japanese restaurant in town), and they're really nice, fun guys. Good looking, in their 30s. I can set you up if you want. It would be nice to have someone to date before you leave. So we can sit at the sushi bar, drink wine, and hang out. I may be older than you, but I'm not an old fart."

I politely laughed and agreed insincerely, but she found it convincing. So this lady wants to hang out with me! I found it very weird. Then, I immediately felt bad for thinking mean thoughts about her when she was obviously so desperate for friends. And I analyzed for a second: would I have thought it was so weird if she was my age? I don't know, I might have. I probably still would've thought it was too forward, and again, I didn't feel any connection to her, I just felt like I was trying to be nice. You know, you get vibes from people. Vibes that immediately turn you off.

Then, the creepiest part came. She was showing me her new laptop, I guess because she thought it was really cool, and she asked me if I had a laptop to take to Prague with me. I said, yes, I did, and she asked me if it had a built in webcam with microphone, and I said yes, but I'd never used it. She said that hers did too, but she didn't know how to use it and she needed to figure it out. She added, "I was just thinking that would be nice, you know, for when you go overseas." Internally, my jaw dropped. Does she seriously mean so she and I can talk to each other while I'm in Prague??? Ok, now I wasn't thinking I was being too closed off, I was thinking this woman had definite social issues.

Luckily, I only had to be in her class for that one period. When I left, she was really disappointed and said that she was so glad to have met me and she really hoped I would call her. I didn't get it because I really didn't think I'd been that nice to her. Maybe I'm better at faking it than I thought, but anyone who knows me wouldn't believe that.

So now, I'm paranoid that I'm going to run into this woman at a school again, and she's going to ask me why I haven't called. To be honest, I really thought about calling or emailing. What could it hurt? It'd give me something to do, which, sometimes in this town, I am desperate for (but I am pretty good at occupying myself...perks of an only child). HOWEVER, I can tell this woman is a little off her rocker and besides that, a total space invader, which I don't do well with. Oh, well.

Substituting has taught me that I don't want to teach public school, mostly because of all the bullshit and the ridiculous ADULTS who work in them. There's some of that at colleges and universities too, of course, but it was so much better. My time as a sub is partly responsible for my decision to eventually go back to school. I'm too smart for this. I'm sorry, but it's true.

Bring it on.