stuck between the past and the future

I haven't written in awhile. I'm not happy about that.

Today, a few things happened simultaneously.

One of my mom's teacher friends gave me a magazine article about Americans living in Prague. It was very enlightening, and got me VERY revved up about my adventure.

This caused me to look up a bunch of stuff about Prague, the Czech Republic, and Europe in general on the internet at work this afternoon. Which made me even MORE excited. I don't think I could've picked a place more suited for me. And it was totally by accident, because when I signed up for this, I just wanted to go somewhere. I didn't care where, as long as it was far away and exotic. It took me this long to get any real information, besides people telling me what a great, beautiful city Prague is (which isn't even real info), and it didn't even occur to me to do so without someone else randomly giving me a magazine article.

I can't believe I didn't even look at pictures of Prague until today. By the way, they are stunning.

I know it'll be hard in addition to all the amazing. Starting in a new place always is. Being a real resident of any place (not just a tourist) always is. But I'm ready for the challenge. I know this is right.

There are moments for me, when I just know I'm making the right or wrong decision (when it's the wrong decision, the right one is usually not far behind). Or when I absolutely know, without a doubt, what I have to do next. Like I don't have a choice. Call it intuition, call it whatever you want. But it's real. And I'm finally learning to trust it. This quality is what's led me on this totally bizarre path I've called my life. I don't know if that made sense.

The other thing that happened today was that I got an email from someone who's going to be in my class in Prague. It had email addresses of all the other students on it too, so I guess a contact info email was sent out that I didn't get. But Michael (the one who sent the email) and I are facebook friends now. And I can tell that we're going to be friends. I haven't heard from the other 4 people, but I do know that there are 6 people total in my class, 3 guys and 3 girls. They are real people now.

I guess that's really what today boils down to. This is all becoming REAL now. 8 weeks, and my next chapter will begin. The most drastic one so far. I cannot WAIT!!! I'm so excited I don't know how I'm going to make it. And yes, it's becoming real, but I almost still don't believe it.

There are also moments for me, in my strange yet familiar sabbatical in Granbury, when I am reminded of the big world out there beyond Hood County. I cling to those moments. Katie's wedding weekend and bachelorette party were, ACL was one, this weekend (I hope) will be one also. Moments when I get to see friends who either moved on from this place or didn't come from it to begin with. I'm reminded that I had another life, too. And that I will have more. I don't have to be the same person I was here, the person everybody remembers me as. I don't have to be the censored version of myself (I couldn't think of a better way to say that). I'm reminded that I moved on.

I am so looking forward to being myself, my whole self, again. And maybe more so than ever before.

Of course, my roots are always in Texas. And that's a part of me. But I'm not sure I really belong here. I guess I'll finally get to find out.

If anyone reads this, remind me to post my most recent sub fiasco soon. :)