they're not here

If you don't want to read a few paragraphs of straight-up bitching, I suggest you stop reading now.

Maybe I'm just in a mood right now, but I'm pretty tired of being on the outside of things. What I mean by that is I'm tired of being the one who only gets to hang out on weekends (SOME weekends) who can't be a regular anywhere or do anything spontaneous. Who stops getting invited after awhile because people forget about me. Why does that happen? Because I'm not around regularly!

I've always been kind of a social floater, the one who never really had my own group of friends, just lots of friends who were in various groups. And I could hang out with any of them. While I've always thought it must be kind of cool to have said "group," I've just never been able to pull that off. And that's fine with me. But that's not really what I'm talking about here.

Lately, I'm just fucking lonely. NOT in a "poor me, I don't have a boyfriend" kind of way, more like a "I'm so used to being alone all the time I've started talking to myself in PUBLIC" kind of way.

I don't care about being single or not. But it would be nice to have some fucking friends around. I feel like all of my friends have moved on; they're married, dating, or they've found new, post-college grown up friends. I have a few of those, too. They just happen to be in other states/countries.

I know I have my own career, life, etc. And I love all of my friends and I'm lucky to have them. But they're not here.

I feel myself retreating inward when I'm not at work, and getting annoyed with people I don't know very well more quickly. This can't be good.

I spent the two years before I moved here having a social life instead of a career. Now, I have a career and no social life. Isn't there a happy medium?!