friends

I've been thinking a lot lately about friends.

I mentioned in a post recently that I have come to accept that I'll probably never have a "group" of friends like other people seem to. I tend to be more of a floater and have friends in all different groups. I have always been this way, and I am finally fine with it. That took a loooong time.

However, I've been feeling a little discouraged in the friendship department because I feel like I used to have so many close friends, and they were scattered, but we were close and I could talk to them or visit them (assuming there wasn't an ocean between us) anytime and it was never weird or felt distant.

Now, I feel like I am drifting apart from a few friends I have been close to for a long time. While I know this is natural, I also feel like I am not making new friends either. I'm not saying that one friend can just replace another; it doesn't work like that. I just feel like my friend supply is dwindling and I have this fear that maybe I've forgotten how to make friends. Or that I'm clinging to past friendships (by this I mean people who will always be my friends but are in different places, both metaphorically and geographically from me now) because I don't have new ones to complement the phase of life I'm in right now. All my friends, even the ones I talk to regularly, are from old phases. That's fine, I don't want to lose them, but I just feel like maybe I'm not moving forward socially.

There are a couple of my friends I feel like I'm losing, though. For good, perhaps. One of these I'm kind of okay with, though I'm harboring some resentment about it, and that's probably not healthy. One of them actually makes me really sad.

And I'm sad about the ones I've lost touch with, other than facebook stalking (just being honest!). Those are mostly the friends I met overseas and was very close to at the time I was away and now barely keep in touch with. I wish life didn't happen that way.