the balancing act

Every since I began my "lifestyle change" to become healthier (about 7 months ago), I have had these moments where I'm torn between doing social things and not because I'm afraid they will disrupt my routine.

I think it's time I find more of a balance. Not even a balance--just a way to incorporate having a social life into my lifestyle/routine.

I've been dealing a lot lately (and have written on here a lot lately) with binge eating struggles that have reared their ugly heads after several months of not really having a problem. I think I've finally gotten to the root of them. Throughout the late summer, fall, and holiday season, I was busy almost every weekend.

Now, I am not quite as busy and I have also been more and more lonely. When I get lonely and bored, that's when I seem to get the most self-destructive. That's when I sit around and eat or think about what I want to eat and then eat it. It's still true that I need to find another coping mechanism, but if I spend more time being busy, seeing friends without overdoing the partying, and finding things that I want to participate in, like the kayaking class I took in October, then all that time I won't be sitting around pigging out. I definitely noticed in the last couple of weekends that I ate and thought about food less when I was out having fun with other people and not sitting at home.

I've heard it said (yes, ok, on the Biggest Loser) that "if you fail to plan, you plan to fail." I never really believed that until recently, but I've noticed more and more how true it is. On days when I just think, "oh, I might work out later," or I can't decide what kind of work out I want to do and I think, "oh, I'll just see what I feel like doing," most of the time I end up not working out at all. Lesson learned.

I'm still not sure what to do about coping when I get upset without food, but I'm working on it.