The old familiar pain

It's funny how you can make a life somewhere without meaning to. You'd think by now, this wouldn't surprise me.

But I'm actually really sad/emotional about leaving the Woodlands. I mean, it has been my home for eight months. A significant amount of time, in my book. Ive really enjoyed certain things about it, mainly the Y, the bike trails, the trees (never thought I'd say that since I'm a wide open spaces girl), and most of all, my family.

Leaving my aunt's house just now knowing I won't see her or her family for at least 14 months was heart wrenching. She has been one of my best friends during my time here. It hurts so much knowing you'll have to miss people. The anticipation of missing them is almost worse. I thought it would be easier this time around, but surprise! It isn't.

Tomorrow, I will see my best friend for the last time in again, at least 14 months. She is having a baby in may, and it hurts to know that I won' be here for such a big event in her life. That we won't

Be part of each other's daily lives anymore. That's what hurts the most about leaving everyone. That we'll just be keeping in touch, not hanging out regularly and being present.

Last week, I was invited to join a swim team at the Y where I work out, and I was flattered, but I had to say no because I'm leaving. It stung a little bit, knowing that I could actually be a part of something here, but it was too late. That's sort of what I meant about making a life without realizing it. I need to remember that for the future though, that sometimes it just takes awhile to find your niche.

As hard as all of this is right now, I do still know that I am doing the right thing. There's no way any of this could be more than temporary. I can't live with my grandmother forever. Sooner or later, I have to rejoin people of my own demographic. And, perhaps most importantly, I have to get some sort of direction. Purpose. A channel in which to get somewhere. I believe I am on my way to doing that.

And maybe even more important than that, I have to allow myself to be brave. I have some shit to prove to myself, and I intend to see that through.

But this part is still painful.