Take your time, and don't do anything crazy

As my departure date creeps ever closer, I find my mind won't stop whirling.

What if I don't catch the bus (from the airport to my city)? What if one of my flights gets delayed and I miss the next one? There's all these things I'll need/want to take care of when I get there. Groceries, cell phone, gym membership, Korean lessons, metro card, stuff for my apartment. I'll be getting to know my new co-workers, students, class schedule. I'll be remembering how to be a teacher. I'll be remembering what it's like to work full time.

I look toward all of these things with a mixture of anxiety and excitement. Truth be told, underneath all the nervousness and dread of the adjustment period, I am super stoked about my life in Korea. There are so many things I want to do this time, so many ways for me to keep a positive attitude and make the most of this experience. To combat my usual impulsiveness/feeling that everything has to happen RIGHT NOW (is there a word for that?), I have already begun repeating this mantra to myself: "Take your time, and don't do anything crazy." The opposite of this has gotten me into trouble many times, and honestly, there will be plenty of time. I don't get into the April Korean class at the International Community Center? Fine, I'll hold out till July. I don't get my gym membership in the first week? No sweat (pun intended), I can do it when I have a little more time and get my bearings. I don't have all of my vacations booked like all my other friends in Korea? I'm not going anywhere out of the country for a few months at least anyway.

There is a very real homesick hump, and it takes about three months to get over it (although I'm hoping this one will be a little shorter since I do have a leg up on Korea already). Before, I didn't realize this until I was over the hump and I had already made the plans to come home. It will take a little time to get back into the teaching groove, get back into the being a foreigner groove, make friends, feel like I know what I'm doing in day to day life, etc. This will be a bit of a challenge, in which I must remember to take my time and not do anything crazy. No secret tickets back to the states will be booked. I will not choose to Skype with my friends at home over connecting with people in Korea (not saying I won't keep in touch, just that I won't shut myself off from life in Korea), and I will remember that I am lucky to have the freedom to be doing this and that I am not tied down.

The other thoughts that are swirling in my head center around what my post-Korea plans are. I really, strongly, after much thought and consideration of many things, think I want to get my Master's in Library Science. Even after listening to a lot of, "well, that sounds boring," and "why do you want to do that?" (you should know that I've more than once been swayed by other people's opinions), I keep coming back to it, and the fact of the matter is, I don't think it sounds boring. And what's more, and quite a feat for someone as fickle as me, I know why I want to do it. I know several librarians, I've spent a lot of time in libraries (the tutoring center where I worked for 2.5 years was located in a library), and I really think I will make a very good, very happy librarian someday. After I save up enough money to pay for the degree.

So, as I look into all of this, what my options are as far as the different programs out there, I start to stress about it. Like, these details that I wouldn't need to figure out for at least a year, probably farther into the future than that. Housing, assistantships, etc. Now is a good time to take my time and not do anything crazy. A couple of hours ago I was all ready to apply for an online program, thinking I could save money by doing it WHILE in Korea. Um, get real, Sarah. You are not going to have any time for GRAD school while you are working your ass off in Korea. That is a TERRIBLE idea. But really, I am obsessing over these details because I am in the waiting stage now, where it's too early to pack, so there's nothing for me to physically DO to get ready for Korea, I'm not there yet so I can't take care of any of the stuff I mentioned earlier, yet I know that two weeks from right now I will be there. Obsessing over stuff that's not going to happen for at least a year takes my mind off what's happening very, very soon. And makes me feel sort of productive, like I'm taking control of my destiny or something. Haha. All I'm actually doing is making my shoulders feel tense.

But all anxious feelings and avoidance mechanisms aside, I am glad that this time around, I am leaving at a good place physically, emotionally and mentally. I know I will be tested, but to compare it to last time, I was a mess. I went to Korea thinking I would fix myself there, that everything would be ok in a new environment, but your problems follow you all over the world. In fact, they are magnified in foreign countries. So, this time, I leave with a 1,000% more sense of who I am and what I can accomplish. And that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or does, because they have their journeys, and this is mine.