G-town thoughts

*I need to remember that I'm listening to On the Surface right now. So when I can afford music again, I can buy it. I'm going through withdrawls!

I just wanted to write a little bit about this time in Granbury. This very weird and long overdue transition for me. I keep thinking that I know I'll write so much more when I'm in Prague, but I can't wish my life away. The stuff that happens now is important too.

So what does my life consist of right now? Teaching swimming lessons, swimming masters, substitute teaching, sleeping, trying to sell shit on amazon...occasionally getting to spend time with friends. Spending as little money as possible...and, of course, BUYING PLANE TICKETS ACROSS THE FREAKING OCEAN!!I still can't believe I did that. In a good way.

But, as much as I am looking forward to my journey, I can't forget about the journey I am in the middle of. As busy as I've been, I've had a lot of time for reflecting. And I find a lot of joy in simple things I am doing right now: a lot of them swimming related (of course, haha), but other things too, like weekend roadtrips (where mom pays for gas) and when kids I sub for act sad that I'm not coming back to their class the next day. That could be some kind of weird validation. Oh, well.

For the first time in my life, I'm really working TOWARD something real and something that I have no questions that I want. I'm scared, sure. I don't know what will happen, but even if it's terrible, it will be an incredible adventure. And no matter what, it's MINE. And I'm doing this for no one but myself. I'm out on my own and not considering anyone else or anything that might be more "practical" for me. Knowing myself (and I feel like during this transition, I have reeeeally gotten to know myself, more than ever), it's weird to say it, but that's a first. I've never made a major decision without considering leaving people or places behind or the possibility of a relationship of some kind.

One thing that does scare me is my relationship with my parents and how it will change when I leave. Yes, I did live away from home for 5 years, but when I leave again, I will have been home for 7 1/2 months, longer than I've been home since before I moved out. I've gotten used to seeing and talking to my parents everyday again and being a part of each other's day to day lives. Yes, they drive me crazy sometimes and we have our differences, but it's going to be weird not to have that again. It'll go back to talking once or twice a week, sending a few emails, and just telling each other the highlights. I'm both looking forward to it and dreading it. I guess it's always like that with everything...you can never have anything both ways.

I'll continue these G-town thoughts later. I'm tired. And I'll try not to make every post between now and February about Prague stuff. I have so many more other things I need to get out of me.