more of the same

A couple more options in the great "what the fuck am I doing with myself" escapade have made me realize (or at least come closer to realizing) what I actually want to do.

Before I go into this, I would just like to say that a year or two ago, my dear friend Audrey (whom I wish I kept in better touch with and whom, out of all of my friends is one of the most like me) said something about how she read that in your 20s, you should try out a lot of different jobs and careers to find out what you really like/want to do. Well, I didn't really set out to do that, but I've definitely done it. And I think it's proved to be good advice, in the end (not that this is the end, but in 3 days I will officially be in my late 20s), at least for people like me who have a hard time making decisions and committing and who learn the best by trying things for themselves.

As opportunities have arisen the past few weeks for me to teach in Houston, for me to work in communications/public relations for a business (that opportunity actually got taken away before I could decline, but I'm pretty sure that I would have), and for me to move into my best friend in Granbury's house rent-free (at first), none of those have quite felt right.

I'm big on things feeling right. Feeling right is different than being scared or nervous. Feeling right is knowing in your gut that even though you're nervous/scared, you're doing the right thing. I'm very big on this. I've said before that I have to do everything in my own time, and this kind of goes along with that. Something may not be right at one time, but it can be at another. (Of course sometimes, I'm just an idiot and can't see what's right in front of me).

What feels right to me is doing what I set out to do two years ago before I let myself get thrown off track. In a more focused way, of course. I'm going to go overseas for a year or two, depending on how things go, save some money, and go to school OUT OF STATE to become a librarian. I'm thinking either Boston (number one in my head right now), Seattle, or Denver. Those are all very different places, but I'm attracted to them all. And I have time to work all that out.

I must say that as I just typed that paragraph, I felt very determined and sure of myself. That is one way I know my gut feeling is right. There are times when I type something like that, pertaining to my future or my goals, and I can just feel in my fingers that's never really going to happen. Maybe that's weird, but I can. My fingers are sure this time. Maybe it won't happen exactly as I think it will right now, but I will get to where I want to be. I'm sure of it.

I think I had more to say about this, but it's taking a very strange turn, so I'm going to sign off for now.

It's time to be brave. And patient. So I don't go insane.