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Friday, September 25, 2009

Korea revelations

I am currently sitting on a bench in the Daegu train station. Soon, Skot will be here.

I was really, really excited about the train trip this morning. I haven't been on a train in something like 7 years. And, I'm happy to say that it met my expectations. Beautiful scenery of the countryside and mountains.

I'm finally feeling like I'm starting to get into a rhythm here. Work is just ok, but I'm learning to just leave it at the office (well, school) and not stress or think about it (too much) when I'm not there. It's just a means to an end, after all. And I really like most of the kids. It's the bosses I'm not crazy about.

I'm finally making friends and getting out more to see stuff. It really is beautiful here. The ocean, the cliffs by the ocean, the mountains. I think next weekend I will try to go see my first temple. So I'm finally having a good time. Is it what I expected? No. In some ways, it's better, and in some ways, it's worse, but it's definitely manageable. And I'm looking forward to my non-work activities over the next year. I think I can stop counting down the days/weeks/months till I go home.

I'm also learning some very valuable things about myself. Like that I really don't want to be a teacher. And that it's really, really hard for me to be the new girl. I've never really been "the new girl" before. There's always been other new people with me before. So, this is a learning experience.

There are some things about Korea/Korean culture that really bug me. Like how slow they walk, the smell, the lack of personal space, the people who don't let you get out of the elevator/off the subway before they get on, etc. But generally, people are also really nice and really helpful, so it's a balance I guess.

I still really miss Prague sometimes, but I know living there isn't realistic for me. Hopefully, I can go back and visit someday. More than once. And I would like to see more of Europe. Eurorail around. Again, maybe someday. When I have a real job and vacation time.

But I definitely do feel like I'm finding out more about myself and where I'm going from here (not for the rest of my life, just from here, but that's great progress for me, and I don't believe in long term plans anyway). So I'm starting to feel better than I have in a really long time. Maybe even since I quit grad school, and that was 14 months ago.

Friday, September 4, 2009

the right path

Well, I finally feel like I'm on the right path again. Whatever that means. My path seems to have a lot more twists and turns in it than everybody else's.

But that's ok. The idea of monotony really scares me. More than striking out and flying to Korea by myself. Which is what I'm doing!

I'm still apprehensive about a few things like bank accounts, layovers, getting on the right bus, finding the grocery store (I worry about really specific things, haha), etc., I feel MUCH more at ease than I did a month ago. I guess feeling secure in your decision does that to you.

I also definitely feel like everything will be ok from here on out. Not that there won't be hard times in the future of course, but that I'm better equipped to deal with them. And hopefully I've made enough mistakes to know what not to do in the grand scheme of things (as in not set myself up for a bad situation later, i.e. moving back in with my parents AGAIN). I have some ideas for what I want to do at the end of my year contract, but none of them are set in stone, and there's no reason for me to really be worried about that right now, except for taking minor preparatory steps. There are a couple of things I am sure about:
1.) making the most of my time in Korea while saving maximum $
2.)I want a Master's degree
3.)This will probably not be the last time I go to work overseas

Anyway, that said, I'm done speculating for now. It's time to get on that plane and go with the flow.

The past couple of weeks have definitely been interesting. The week before last, the highlight of course was my birthday, but other than that, it was terrible. Total ennui. Ugh. So, since I was going to have to go anyway to get my visa, I decided to head down to Houston to see Katie and get a change of scenery. So, my weekend with Katie was fun, and then I headed to Gagi's.

I feel like I got myself back to a healthier place mentally and physically, plus I got my visa. When I was at the Consulate I realized by talking to the other Americans there how much you instantly bond with other people doing stuff like this. It gave me back that sense of belonging I've been missing since I left Prague.

Then, today, I got most of my packing done (which was quite the task), and I went to visit my Uncle Dennis and Aunt Susan (I don't know why I put the labels; I never use them. I think it's because I was the only grandchild for so long that I felt weird being the only one calling them aunt and uncle) in Dallas. It was great to see them and the kids, and it was nice having intelligent conversation with people who've had similar experiences to what I'm about to have. Again, that bond like what I felt at the Consulate was there. Susan gave me a cookbook designed for people living overseas (you can't get the same grocery items there), and I'm really excited about that too.

So, ready as I am to get going, leaving is kind of bittersweet. It's sad to leave my friends and family--I already miss them. But I know that I'm doing the right thing for me right now, and I know this experience is going to be phenomenal. This time, it's not leaving and planning to come back in a year to the same place and do the same thing. It's embarking on the rest of my life, filled with unknowns and the motivation to keep moving forward, welcoming new stages instead of running scared.