This is a more personal, potentially embarrassing post. It might even be boring if you don't reside in my head. I probably won't post the link to this one on Facebook. But apparently I have regular followers now anyway (I know this because of the pageview counter I put up), so I know some people will still read it. And that's fine.
The past few weeks, as I mentioned a couple of posts ago, I have been working hard on ol' number one. The physical part of this includes working out almost everyday, sometimes twice a day, and trying to be very vigilant about my nutrition. One of the secrets to my success is my food journal. I've tried food journals once or twice in the past, but I didn't really do them right. I didn't want to be totally honest with myself, so I would eat things and think, "that didn't count" and not write certain things down. It was a selective food journal, if you will (in case you don't know, a food journal is just what sounds like; you write down everything you eat each day so you can see how much/what you're actually eating).
This time is different. I'm not sure why, other than the mental and psychological changes I've discussed before. Anyway, I've been completely, brutally honest with myself in this journal, which is now in its third week, even when I slip up and snack a little harder than I should. I still write everything down. This is helpful because it forces me to think about what I'm going to eat before I eat it. If I want to pig out, I think, "I'm going to have to write that down," which I don't want to do because it makes me feel disgusting, and I control myself. It also helps with emotional eating, like I can tell when I'm really hungry and when I'm emotionally hungry and all that jazz. I could go on, but I won't.
So. Back to the point of this post. This weekend, I will be traveling to Austin for the Austin City Limits (ACL) music festival. I'm very excited about this; I haven't had a chance to just get out and do something purely for fun in awhile. I've already planned for the fact that ACL means I won't be working out for 3 days; I didn't take a day off from exercising this past week to sort of make up for it, since I knew I'd be getting a bigger break (although I will do plenty of walking, sweating, dancing at the festival, I'm sure). And I know my eating schedule will be different. There will be food booths and we may be eating at weird times and going for hours without eating. I'm sure many beers will be consumed throughout the weekend.
I'm excited to go and have fun, but I don't want the whole weekend to throw me off track or undo all the work I've been doing. I'm going to try to be extra aware of all these things. The big question, though, is do I bring my food journal? Part of me thinks, yes, of course, because I can still keep tabs on everything I'm doing and not let it all go down the toilet. The other part of me thinks no, take a break, and just be careful. I've had problems in the past with being super into health and then getting really burned out and not caring anymore. I don't want that to happen either, so maybe I should just forget about it for a weekend. But then again, it is a slippery slope...
As I write this, I'm thinking I should bring the journal. Eat and drink what I want, and just make sure I write it down so I don't go overboard. That is, after all, the whole point of the journal.
But then do I include alcohol in the journal? I haven't been drinking since I started the journal, and ordinarily, I would include it (like if I had a margarita with dinner or something). But if I went out to a bar, I'm sure I wouldn't be whipping my journal out to record every drink. Of course I don't do that all that often anymore. I think I should write the drinks down (they are calories!) but just not one by one.
Decision (for now): Take the journal, use the journal, as it was intended, but don't be afraid to take a break and have some drinks and delicious Austin food. Just be careful.
This weekend will truly be a test. I've had much smaller events throw me off track in the past. But I'm ready for it.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Friday, September 9, 2011
don't take feminist, or well, any lessons from Lady Gaga
I read TWO Lady Gaga quotes in the past week that really irked me.
Let me first say that I was a fan of her music and unbothered by her style probably until the song "Alejandro" came out. And even that one was okay.
Now, not only is she obviously trying to outdo herself while being the mascot for homosexuality (and you all know I am all for gay rights), but her new music sucks. It sounds like something that should've been left in the 80s. I could deal with her giving birth to herself in her videos and wearing meat dresses (although I also learned this week that that wasn't actually an original idea; Madonna or somebody had done it before... not sure why I read so much Gaga news this week) if her music was good. But it isn't. I'm afraid the sun has set on my day as a Gaga fan. And in the 2011 Britney v. Gaga war (they both had new albums come out this year), Britney is totally kicking Gaga's ass. Just saying. It's Britney, bitch. Now and forever. (I'm pretty sure I'm only a Britney fan because her heyday began when I was 13, a very defining age for one's tastes in pop culture... but nevertheless, I'm unashamed to say I'm a fan... not like I'm a fan of Jimmy Eat World or Death Cab, but still a fan).
So, Gaga's asinine comments were these: "I'm not a feminist...I love men." NEWSFLASH, Gaga, maybe do a little research: Feminism and man-loving are not mutually exclusive. You can be a heterosexual feminist. You can be a feminist and have male friends. See this article, where the lovely Cezanne Colvin explains the whole issue. But if you've ever studied feminism, you know what it's about and what it's not about, and I don't need to get on my feminist soapbox right now. But rest assured, I am a feminist. Just like Tina (see previous post).
The second Gaga-ism was this: Lady Gaga was telling someone at omg! (on Yahoo) about how she stays in such good shape and she was saying how she works out and eats really healthy (duh) and then she actually said, "My work feeds me." Any inkling of fanship toward Lady Gaga left my body upon reading those words. I went, "did she really just say that? Who SAYS that?" I hope I don't need to explain how cliche and just...ick that statement was.
We're done, Gaga. I am an avid supporter of the arts and free speech and the unexpected, etc., etc. But I don't think art is what you are. You are nothing more than a character. I don't buy that any of your "work" comes from any place other than trying to stay famous.
Let me first say that I was a fan of her music and unbothered by her style probably until the song "Alejandro" came out. And even that one was okay.
Now, not only is she obviously trying to outdo herself while being the mascot for homosexuality (and you all know I am all for gay rights), but her new music sucks. It sounds like something that should've been left in the 80s. I could deal with her giving birth to herself in her videos and wearing meat dresses (although I also learned this week that that wasn't actually an original idea; Madonna or somebody had done it before... not sure why I read so much Gaga news this week) if her music was good. But it isn't. I'm afraid the sun has set on my day as a Gaga fan. And in the 2011 Britney v. Gaga war (they both had new albums come out this year), Britney is totally kicking Gaga's ass. Just saying. It's Britney, bitch. Now and forever. (I'm pretty sure I'm only a Britney fan because her heyday began when I was 13, a very defining age for one's tastes in pop culture... but nevertheless, I'm unashamed to say I'm a fan... not like I'm a fan of Jimmy Eat World or Death Cab, but still a fan).
So, Gaga's asinine comments were these: "I'm not a feminist...I love men." NEWSFLASH, Gaga, maybe do a little research: Feminism and man-loving are not mutually exclusive. You can be a heterosexual feminist. You can be a feminist and have male friends. See this article, where the lovely Cezanne Colvin explains the whole issue. But if you've ever studied feminism, you know what it's about and what it's not about, and I don't need to get on my feminist soapbox right now. But rest assured, I am a feminist. Just like Tina (see previous post).
The second Gaga-ism was this: Lady Gaga was telling someone at omg! (on Yahoo) about how she stays in such good shape and she was saying how she works out and eats really healthy (duh) and then she actually said, "My work feeds me." Any inkling of fanship toward Lady Gaga left my body upon reading those words. I went, "did she really just say that? Who SAYS that?" I hope I don't need to explain how cliche and just...ick that statement was.
We're done, Gaga. I am an avid supporter of the arts and free speech and the unexpected, etc., etc. But I don't think art is what you are. You are nothing more than a character. I don't buy that any of your "work" comes from any place other than trying to stay famous.
an ode to Tina... and me
Well, I guess I've been absent from the blogosphere for a couple of weeks.
Things are rolling along, and I'm now pretty much in a waiting game. Fortunately, I have also picked myself up and gotten my happy little butt over to the Y regularly. I've been swimming, doing yoga, going to spinning class, lifting weights and running (not all at the same time-wouldn't that be something), and I have a nice little routine down that can be flexible when I need to be. Which really isn't that often, seeing how these days, the Y is pretty much my life. But it's good. I think I need this time to focus on myself and my fitness so when the next REALLY big change comes, I'll be ready. I'll be physically fit, feeling good about myself (the most important part of the whole equation), and used to taking care of myself.
Last time, I was not in good shape, I probably felt close to the most horrible about myself I've ever felt, and I was not at all used to taking care of myself. I thought I would go and once I was there figure out how to make things fall into place. Not so. Any problems you have at home will most certainly follow you all over the world. In fact, they will be magnified. And more difficult to fix.
What a difference this time around! I know that I have challenges ahead, but I am expecting them and ready to deal. There may (probably will) be challenges that I can't possibly prepare myself for now, but I have confidence that I can react in a, well, non-reactionary way, if that makes sense. What a difference maturity can make! Not that I'm totally mature... and what a difference self-esteem makes... in everything! One of the things I've learned over the past year or so as I have been trying very hard to life a healthy lifestyle (with a few admitted setbacks, but I'm still going, so that's what counts, right?) is that if you allow yourself to feel good about yourself and respect yourself (that makes me sound like I've done something whorish... NOT what I mean), you WANT to take care of yourself. You want to be nice to your body. I can't believe it's taken me more than a decade to figure that out, but hey, better late than never. I guess it's not really late; I haven't ended up on reality TV yet, so I think I caught it in time.
ANYWAY, boy I'm in a mood tonight, aren't I? So I'm moving back in with my grandmother at the end of October. The only thing I'm sad about leaving is the Y. It's almost ridiculous how sad I am about it, too. It's a great, great place. I could go on and on about how fabulous this Y is. It's like a gym sent from heaven. But I'll spare you. Just imagine the perfect gym, and that's it. The end. BUT, on the other hand, I think not having the Y for a couple of months before I leave may end up being a good thing because I'll get to practice keeping up my fitness level on my own, and who knows what I'll have access to once I leave. Could be anything. (I'm sure there will be at the very least a place I can walk/run/bike and there will probably be a gym I can join).
But I am in a very good mood right now. I have been for the past couple of weeks. I even started cooking again, and once I did it I realized how much I missed it. You know how a few weeks ago I was saying I didn't care about anything and I couldn't find myself? Well, here I am.
The other thing is I've started writing again creatively. I actually wrote a whole story which I finished last week. I need to go through and revise, but I've been putting it off. It was so much easier when I had a whole workshop of people to give suggestions. I really miss that. I've been missing the good ol' English department, specifically the writing folks, a lot lately. It's something I may pursue when this other venture is done. I have several other story ideas that I've written down, mostly from wacky dreams I had. I'm excited to try different things.
I also just finished reading Tina Fey's book, Bossypants. It really inspired me. I've always been a Tina fan, but I'm starting to think I should just go for it and move where I want to move and be a writer, once I have some money saved up. (In case you're wondering the connection between Tina, my idol, and the previous sentence is that reading about her life makes me want to change mine and be more ambitious. Tina embodies everything I want to be... successful, driven, funny, a good writer, in charge, a mom later in her childbearing years, and a feminist).
An MFA degree might not even be out of the question. I know it's not a necessity, BUT it would give me the support of other writers that I need, help me network, and give me the credentials to teach at the college level. But I'm also still considering the librarian option... good thing I have awhile to decide. In the meantime, I'm going to keep working on my stuff. Either way, I'm going to save up money so I can do what I want where I want. Maybe by the time I'm 30, I'll be completely independent. Maybe. It's more likely that if I read this in 4 years, I'll just laugh.
That's pretty much all that's going on with me. But it's enough. I'm lucky my current job is less than demanding so I can use this time to really work on myself.
And, my heart goes out to everyone affected by the wildfires. That really sucks.
AND, LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!!! (Sorry. I've been watching a lot of Tina's work lately and I just felt like saying that. I told you I was in a weird mood.)
Things are rolling along, and I'm now pretty much in a waiting game. Fortunately, I have also picked myself up and gotten my happy little butt over to the Y regularly. I've been swimming, doing yoga, going to spinning class, lifting weights and running (not all at the same time-wouldn't that be something), and I have a nice little routine down that can be flexible when I need to be. Which really isn't that often, seeing how these days, the Y is pretty much my life. But it's good. I think I need this time to focus on myself and my fitness so when the next REALLY big change comes, I'll be ready. I'll be physically fit, feeling good about myself (the most important part of the whole equation), and used to taking care of myself.
Last time, I was not in good shape, I probably felt close to the most horrible about myself I've ever felt, and I was not at all used to taking care of myself. I thought I would go and once I was there figure out how to make things fall into place. Not so. Any problems you have at home will most certainly follow you all over the world. In fact, they will be magnified. And more difficult to fix.
What a difference this time around! I know that I have challenges ahead, but I am expecting them and ready to deal. There may (probably will) be challenges that I can't possibly prepare myself for now, but I have confidence that I can react in a, well, non-reactionary way, if that makes sense. What a difference maturity can make! Not that I'm totally mature... and what a difference self-esteem makes... in everything! One of the things I've learned over the past year or so as I have been trying very hard to life a healthy lifestyle (with a few admitted setbacks, but I'm still going, so that's what counts, right?) is that if you allow yourself to feel good about yourself and respect yourself (that makes me sound like I've done something whorish... NOT what I mean), you WANT to take care of yourself. You want to be nice to your body. I can't believe it's taken me more than a decade to figure that out, but hey, better late than never. I guess it's not really late; I haven't ended up on reality TV yet, so I think I caught it in time.
ANYWAY, boy I'm in a mood tonight, aren't I? So I'm moving back in with my grandmother at the end of October. The only thing I'm sad about leaving is the Y. It's almost ridiculous how sad I am about it, too. It's a great, great place. I could go on and on about how fabulous this Y is. It's like a gym sent from heaven. But I'll spare you. Just imagine the perfect gym, and that's it. The end. BUT, on the other hand, I think not having the Y for a couple of months before I leave may end up being a good thing because I'll get to practice keeping up my fitness level on my own, and who knows what I'll have access to once I leave. Could be anything. (I'm sure there will be at the very least a place I can walk/run/bike and there will probably be a gym I can join).
But I am in a very good mood right now. I have been for the past couple of weeks. I even started cooking again, and once I did it I realized how much I missed it. You know how a few weeks ago I was saying I didn't care about anything and I couldn't find myself? Well, here I am.
The other thing is I've started writing again creatively. I actually wrote a whole story which I finished last week. I need to go through and revise, but I've been putting it off. It was so much easier when I had a whole workshop of people to give suggestions. I really miss that. I've been missing the good ol' English department, specifically the writing folks, a lot lately. It's something I may pursue when this other venture is done. I have several other story ideas that I've written down, mostly from wacky dreams I had. I'm excited to try different things.
I also just finished reading Tina Fey's book, Bossypants. It really inspired me. I've always been a Tina fan, but I'm starting to think I should just go for it and move where I want to move and be a writer, once I have some money saved up. (In case you're wondering the connection between Tina, my idol, and the previous sentence is that reading about her life makes me want to change mine and be more ambitious. Tina embodies everything I want to be... successful, driven, funny, a good writer, in charge, a mom later in her childbearing years, and a feminist).
An MFA degree might not even be out of the question. I know it's not a necessity, BUT it would give me the support of other writers that I need, help me network, and give me the credentials to teach at the college level. But I'm also still considering the librarian option... good thing I have awhile to decide. In the meantime, I'm going to keep working on my stuff. Either way, I'm going to save up money so I can do what I want where I want. Maybe by the time I'm 30, I'll be completely independent. Maybe. It's more likely that if I read this in 4 years, I'll just laugh.
That's pretty much all that's going on with me. But it's enough. I'm lucky my current job is less than demanding so I can use this time to really work on myself.
And, my heart goes out to everyone affected by the wildfires. That really sucks.
AND, LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!!! (Sorry. I've been watching a lot of Tina's work lately and I just felt like saying that. I told you I was in a weird mood.)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)