Well, I guess I've been absent from the blogosphere for a couple of weeks.
Things are rolling along, and I'm now pretty much in a waiting game. Fortunately, I have also picked myself up and gotten my happy little butt over to the Y regularly. I've been swimming, doing yoga, going to spinning class, lifting weights and running (not all at the same time-wouldn't that be something), and I have a nice little routine down that can be flexible when I need to be. Which really isn't that often, seeing how these days, the Y is pretty much my life. But it's good. I think I need this time to focus on myself and my fitness so when the next REALLY big change comes, I'll be ready. I'll be physically fit, feeling good about myself (the most important part of the whole equation), and used to taking care of myself.
Last time, I was not in good shape, I probably felt close to the most horrible about myself I've ever felt, and I was not at all used to taking care of myself. I thought I would go and once I was there figure out how to make things fall into place. Not so. Any problems you have at home will most certainly follow you all over the world. In fact, they will be magnified. And more difficult to fix.
What a difference this time around! I know that I have challenges ahead, but I am expecting them and ready to deal. There may (probably will) be challenges that I can't possibly prepare myself for now, but I have confidence that I can react in a, well, non-reactionary way, if that makes sense. What a difference maturity can make! Not that I'm totally mature... and what a difference self-esteem makes... in everything! One of the things I've learned over the past year or so as I have been trying very hard to life a healthy lifestyle (with a few admitted setbacks, but I'm still going, so that's what counts, right?) is that if you allow yourself to feel good about yourself and respect yourself (that makes me sound like I've done something whorish... NOT what I mean), you WANT to take care of yourself. You want to be nice to your body. I can't believe it's taken me more than a decade to figure that out, but hey, better late than never. I guess it's not really late; I haven't ended up on reality TV yet, so I think I caught it in time.
ANYWAY, boy I'm in a mood tonight, aren't I? So I'm moving back in with my grandmother at the end of October. The only thing I'm sad about leaving is the Y. It's almost ridiculous how sad I am about it, too. It's a great, great place. I could go on and on about how fabulous this Y is. It's like a gym sent from heaven. But I'll spare you. Just imagine the perfect gym, and that's it. The end. BUT, on the other hand, I think not having the Y for a couple of months before I leave may end up being a good thing because I'll get to practice keeping up my fitness level on my own, and who knows what I'll have access to once I leave. Could be anything. (I'm sure there will be at the very least a place I can walk/run/bike and there will probably be a gym I can join).
But I am in a very good mood right now. I have been for the past couple of weeks. I even started cooking again, and once I did it I realized how much I missed it. You know how a few weeks ago I was saying I didn't care about anything and I couldn't find myself? Well, here I am.
The other thing is I've started writing again creatively. I actually wrote a whole story which I finished last week. I need to go through and revise, but I've been putting it off. It was so much easier when I had a whole workshop of people to give suggestions. I really miss that. I've been missing the good ol' English department, specifically the writing folks, a lot lately. It's something I may pursue when this other venture is done. I have several other story ideas that I've written down, mostly from wacky dreams I had. I'm excited to try different things.
I also just finished reading Tina Fey's book, Bossypants. It really inspired me. I've always been a Tina fan, but I'm starting to think I should just go for it and move where I want to move and be a writer, once I have some money saved up. (In case you're wondering the connection between Tina, my idol, and the previous sentence is that reading about her life makes me want to change mine and be more ambitious. Tina embodies everything I want to be... successful, driven, funny, a good writer, in charge, a mom later in her childbearing years, and a feminist).
An MFA degree might not even be out of the question. I know it's not a necessity, BUT it would give me the support of other writers that I need, help me network, and give me the credentials to teach at the college level. But I'm also still considering the librarian option... good thing I have awhile to decide. In the meantime, I'm going to keep working on my stuff. Either way, I'm going to save up money so I can do what I want where I want. Maybe by the time I'm 30, I'll be completely independent. Maybe. It's more likely that if I read this in 4 years, I'll just laugh.
That's pretty much all that's going on with me. But it's enough. I'm lucky my current job is less than demanding so I can use this time to really work on myself.
And, my heart goes out to everyone affected by the wildfires. That really sucks.
AND, LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!!! (Sorry. I've been watching a lot of Tina's work lately and I just felt like saying that. I told you I was in a weird mood.)
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