Well, look at me updating twice in one week. Today, I went swimming, walked around outside, and now I'm writing. Feeling more and more like myself all the time.
Spring is here! I'm so happy to be able to walk around outside without a jacket (which is funny because when it's this temperature in Texas - high 50s, low 60s - people put their jackets on, not off). Yesterday, some friends and I had a lovely picnic in the park. Gotta get my vitamin D!
Then, I finally saw the Hunger Games. I say finally - the movie only came out in Korea on Thursday. But I absolutely loved it! I'll go as far as to say it was the best film adaptation of a book I've seen in a long time (I'll admit that it had been enough time since I read it that I didn't remember every detail, which is always a good thing at the movies). Sorry, Harry. I still love you too.
One of the things I've learned about myself through being here is that I'm a person it takes a long time to get to know. I've known this before, of course, and it's been confirmed by friends I have now that it took me a couple of years to get to know well. I'm just finding it to be somewhat of a difficulty in my life right now. I'm enjoying all the company I'm keeping, but sometimes in group situations, I see myself as being boring or not having anything to contribute. I get so caught up listening to and observing other people. This probably isn't as bad as I think it is, but I'm just ready for people to really know me. I'm ready to be completely comfortable and not feel like everything I say comes out wrong or that people have the completely wrong idea about who I am. Like, at first I feel like I come off as really serious, and while I definitely have a serious side, that's not really me. This hit me the other day when I was skyping with someone from home and I said something that made them laugh. I thought, why can't I be this person here? I guess all in good time.
The other part of this equation is that I get to know people better one on one. I like hanging out in groups, but I don't tend to participate that much unless I know most of the people in the group pretty well or just feel really comfortable. I'm, again, observing. Sometimes this apparently comes off as me looking bored or pissed off, which I really don't appreciate being told (I mean really, what is the point of that? If I actually were pissed off, why would you want to set me off?).
But I am happy to say that the people I hung out with on Saturday do make me feel really comfortable. I feel like I found the real people here. People who are about the same speed as me, who are smart and have similar senses of humor. People who like to go out and have a good time but are about more than just the bar scene. I only hope I am not making a terrible impression on them. Although Saturday I was also recovering from a crazy Friday night (one of those accidental crazy nights) where I arrived home at 8 a.m. So maybe I should forgive myself for not being Suzy Social. And as always, I am being my own worst critic.
Speaking of Friday night, that night I went out by myself for one of the first times in my life and it totally was fine! I ran into several people I know, hung out with them, met some new people, including a couple who will be working with me in a few weeks, and just basically had an excellent time. Only that excellence should have ended several drinks before it did. Oh, well. I still had fun. No regrets.
I can see real growth in myself in so many ways since being here, particularly when comparing this time to Korea Take One (as I am now referring to it). That's the most important thing. Come on, Spring.
No comments:
Post a Comment