So here goes Project 365 Day Two. I wonder how long it will take before I stop beginning my entries with whatever day I'm on.
So I'm happy in my job. For the most part. And I know there are no perfect jobs, and it's easier to think that the grass is always greener. I feel like I'm good at my job now, at least most parts of it. I'm a very, very weak photographer. Like I totally screwed something up this morning (although I think I may be having camera issues). And I know I can't expect to be perfect at everything, especially when I haven't even been working here (or anywhere like this) for 6 months. I guess I really am a perfectionist, even though sometimes I can be lazy and/or careless. I'm trying really hard to just do my best at whatever I'm doing and not to halfass anymore. I've gotten reeeally in the habit of halfassing over the years.
Anyway, so the issue is this: I like my job. I really do. But I miss kids. (NOT toddlers, just kids). I miss teaching. I miss traveling. Every time I see a friend's status about Korea or Prague or anything like that, I feel serious pangs. And I know I'm paying my dues, if I really want to be a journalist. I know I won't be here forever. I know I can still travel, eventually (if I ever get any vacation/make any more money). But I still feel like I never completely fulfilled my dream of living overseas because I came home early both times. And I know that I made it further than a lot of people who are interested in that kind of thing, but that doesn't really make it easier now.
In some ways, it probably makes it harder because if I had never gone, sure I might still want to do something like that, but it wouldn't feel like I failed at something that should've been(and was, if I could've just woken up and realized it) really awesome. Maybe I'd be content to just be living in Texas, working at a newspaper, leading my little life. Of course, who knows. Maybe not.
Not that it matters now anyway. I am where I am, and I'm damn lucky to be here. And when I think about where I was and how I felt a year ago, jobless and living at home, I feel even luckier.
And, the other thing that eats at me from time to time is that I am actually, for all my travel bug issues, really homesick for North Texas. Not Granbury specifically, but I would really like to go back to the DFW area. Fort Worth, if possible. If I don't end up going back to Korea next year, I will probably just stay here at this job for another year or two, racking up that experience so that next year or the year after, I can hopefully find a job back in civilization (civilization to me means Dallas, Fort Worth, Austin, or Houston). Maybe I will even go to grad school for journalism someday, after I pay off more of my existing loans. Maybe I will go for one of those jobs in D.C. you have to have 3 to 5 years of experience for (once I get that much experience, of course). Maybe I'll do an Americorps gig for a year either before or after J school to help pay for it. Who knows? Just because I have a career now doesn't mean I have to stop having dreams or goals. Maybe now I can actually reach the goals I set. And it doesn't mean I can't do new and exciting things. I need to remember that.
P.S. I want to write more blogs that actually tell stories about things that happen to me in my day to day life. I need to remember that too and stop going on and on about this same bullshit.
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