As I promised myself, I am writing my next entry before Saturday is over. It's barely noon, so I'm kind of proud of myself.
So this morning, Erica and I rode our bikes around her neighborhood. There are some really pretty streets here. Big, beautiful trees and scenery, big, pretty houses. Not monster cookie cutter houses either. Old, unique houses with personality. Those are the best kind. And some cool old buildings and parks and stuff too. There were a lot of other people out riding/walking/jogging too. It was just a nice morning and not too hot yet.
Now, I'm alone in Erica's house for a little while. Erica had to work this afternoon, Marcus went to the golf course, and Erica's dad and brother went to meet up with an uncle or something. I am waiting here for Cristina to come pick me up for the afternoon. We're going to lunch and then to get pedicures. I don't know what we'll do after that, but I do know that later on this afternoon/evening, I need to get ready for my date (yes, you read that right...I, of all people, have a date tonight). I'm pretty excited about it but trying not to put too much pressure on it. I'll just need to decide what to wear (with assistance, of course) and do my hair and makeup. I want to look natural too, though, not too glammed up. I want to look like me, just the best version of myself.
This morning, after our ride, I copied a bunch of music from Erica's computer to mine. I only lost about 200 songs with the whole stolen computer thing (thanks to my ipod!), so I replaced some that I had lost that she had and added some new ones too. Seriously, getting robbed may be the best thing that's ever happened to me. I feel so much more...clear than I had been feeling the past couple of months... or years. But I said that in conjunction with the music thing because now, my music library is better than ever (and if you know me at all, you know that's VERY important to me), and I probably never would have taken the time to sit down and look through Erica's music files if this hadn't happened.
That's just one small example of how my life has improved since the burglary, but in a way, it still sums up the culmination of everything. I'm taking the time and effort to do things that I wasn't before. I appreciate what I have more. I haven't just let myself have such a good time bike riding as I did today and last week in a really long time. Before, it just felt like a chore. But now I'm not letting it stress me out (after all, the whole point of it is to relieve stress, not to create it), and I'm just enjoying it. The same goes for cooking, keeping my apartment clean, visiting friends in other cities, using my new awesome macbook, and even watching the few DVDs I've gotten so far to replace the stolen ones. I guess I just feel like me again. I think I had lost that for awhile. And at my job too, I'm starting to give 100% again (well, most of the time). I guess sometimes, you just need a swift kick in the ass.
I'm not saying my life is just perfect now. I don't want to make anyone, including me, vomit, and besides, that isn't true. I still have a lot of stuff I'm working through/on, and I'm sure I always will. The point is that I'm letting myself be happy. I commented on a friend's blog one day last week (who is also in the process of rediscovering herself) that I had thought for the past couple of years that I just felt like I was sleepwalking, and I was waiting for something to come along and wake me up--I guess something that I thought would be worth waking up for. I went halfway around the world and didn't allow myself to wake up. What I told her was that I'm realizing more and more that I have to make myself wake up no matter where I am or what I'm doing or I'm just going to miss everything and never have any kind of experiences at all. I wish I could've seen that before, but I guess all of those experiences--the good ones too--and regrets finally led me to this point.
I'm awake now.
No comments:
Post a Comment