the iron fist

So in the past week or so, when I've been beating myself up about eating potato chips or having zero motivation to work out (and I'll have you know most of those days I worked out anyway), I keep remembering what the lady who works at my gym said when I interviewed her for a story I did on New Year's weight loss resolutions.

When asked what advice she had for people just starting to exercise, she said, "You just need to make it part of your lifestyle. If you think about it too much, you start to become obsessed."

I can totally see how obsessed I've been with it the past few months... probably since late September or so. I overthought everything I did, ate, didn't do and didn't eat all that time. And I thought I was just living the healthy lifestyle. I thought that was just how it was going to be from then on.

I think in the beginning (July), when I first started exercising regularly again and giving a damn what I ate, I wasn't obsessed. I let all of it become part of my lifestyle. I didn't overthink it. I didn't get that competitive drive that always seems to overtake me. I just did it.

This week, I've started to get back to that. I'm trying to remember to enjoy exercising, rather than letting it give me anxiety (am I doing enough?!). I'm trying to eat reasonably healthy without depriving myself of things I really like. And with foods that I really like but may not be the healthiest choices (brownies, cookies, white bread, etc.), I'm trying to eat them in moderation and make them myself so I know what's in them. I'm still working on the emotional eating thing, but I think if I just slow down and don't let what's supposed to make me feel better (exercise and eating right) stress me out, I'll be a whole lot better off.

No reason to be obsessed. I tend to have that kind of personality, so it's something I have to constantly remind myself. But I don't have to have that iron fist of control all the time. I really don't.

Hopefully someday I'll really believe that.