*Disclaimer: I may get in trouble for this one because I'm not sure who reads this. But I am not meaning to offend anyone, be passive aggressive, or ....anything negative towards anyone personally. You'll see what I mean. And if you do get offended, read till the end.
Yesterday, I went to church in Beeville for the first time. Countless co-workers have invited me countless times since I moved here 9 1/2 months ago, and I always found some excuse not to go. Perhaps I should explain that I have serious qualms about organized religion and the facade it often turns out to be. This time, however, I wanted to go. I didn't feel any deep spiritual drive to go; most of the girls in my Bunco group go to a particular church, and I thought if I went to the young adult Sunday school class, I might meet some more people. And lately when I've been at church at home in Granbury, I've really enjoyed listening to the sermons. I learned yesterday, as I feared I would, that the pastor at home is probably as open-minded and tolerant as one can get from the pulpit. At least here in the Bible Belt.
So anyway, I went, trying to keep an open mind. I actually really enjoyed Sunday school. We had a nice, thought provoking discussion and I felt comfortable. I really enjoy discussing religion and spirituality, but I don't like to think about it from just one point of view. I didn't feel boxed in at all with the people in this class, and I even admire some of them for their strong faith. I have often wished I could be so sure.
So, when I initially went to church, I wasn't sure if I was going to stay for the service or not. I ended up staying, mostly because it was kind of assumed that I would, and by this time, I was open to the experience and curious to see what it would be like, what the pastor would have to say, etc.
The first part of the service, was pretty standard church. Nobody fell down or cried or waved their hands, which I was happy with. But then, it happened. The sermon.
The pastor got up and began his speech by talking about how many people died on 9/11. I wondered where it was going and feared it was going in the direction of self-righteous narrow-minded, "kill all the Arabs" mentality. It wasn't. It was worse. Well-maybe not worse, but just as bad.
I was then subjected to a sermon (I wish I could say how long it was, but I wasn't wearing a watch) all about abortion. God hates abortion, the Bible proves that life begins at conception. And on and on. But wait--if you've had an abortion, it's okay because God will forgive you for the murder you committed.
I don't know the last time I was so offended.
Yes, it was my choice to go to the church service, and yes, what did I expect to hear from a minister of this particular denomination? I guess too much. No open lines of communication here. It was a symbol of all my reservations about going to church. And way to pick a totally polarizing issue.
I don't really even think the topic has a place in a church service. To be fair, I did like that he was willing, in his own way, to show compassion. But still! Could he BE more close-minded? I was about to get on my soapbox about the abortion issue, but I won't right now. That's not the point. (And don't get me started on the dig at evolution that he threw in with it. EVOLUTION IS NOT A THEORY.)
The point is that the whole thing was entirely inappropriate for that setting. If I want to participate in politics, I'll write a letter to my Congressman. Don't mix it with church. Plus, for a place that wants to make everybody like them, belief-wise, don't they realize how they are turning people away? And how many of the kids and teenagers there in the audience just blindly adopt beliefs like that because they haven't been taught to think for themselves?
I realize that most, if not all, of my friends who go to that church are probably pro-life, and I probably disagree with them on a number of other issues. I'm fine with that. I can respect their beliefs. My fear is that they won't be able to respect mine. And while I want the social interaction and the intelligent conversation, and I genuinely like these people, I don't want to misrepresent myself. I don't want to compromise what I believe and what I stand for. I can't think of a worse thing for me to do.
And what makes all of this more confusing is that immediately after the service, I was so appalled that I was ready to walk out the door and never come back. But then, my friend that I sat with invited me to lunch. I said ok. What the hell, it was lunch. Lunch turned out to be a big group of people from the church all going together, some of whom I knew, most I didn't. The confusing part was how NICE everyone was. Like genuinely nice, friendly, unsuperficial, etc. Of course, I didn't tell anyone how offended I was. But they seem like good people I just don't agree with in some major areas. I wonder if we can peacefully coexist and all still be ourselves.
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